December 2008
35 posts
Anybody know anybody in venture capital and want... →
“A brain-imaging experiment I conducted in 2006 explains why antismoking scare...”
– Martin Lindstrom, New York Times
via the New Shelton Wet/Dry
“A pair of gay penguins thrown out of their zoo colony for repeatedly stealing...”
– Gay penguins expelled from zoo colony for stealing eggs are given their own to look after following animal rights protest
Previously in gay penguin news: German gay penguins unswayed by Swedish seductress penguins
In case you, like me, ran into a skinny,...
SantaCon 2008 was in town today. Their website is pretty hilarious.
Santa’s Rules:
Santa looks like Santa. HOLIDAY APPAREL IS MANDATORY. A Santa hat is not enough. Get a Santa suit. Buy a Santa suit. Make a Santa suit. Steal a Santa suit. Get creative: be a Secret Santa, a Santasaurus, Candy-cane, a Reindeer, a Chanukah Chicken, a goddamn latke, Stewardess Santa, Knight Rider Santa, Crusty...
“According to Ruginis, the best selling product is the fake pile of shit. It used...”
– Love Saves the Day, eclectic east village boutique, closing.
via Gothamist
“First, Senators make a base salary of $167,100. Assuming a person joined the...”
– via the New Shelton Wet/Dry
“You know, when they forced Khruschev out, he sat down and wrote two letters to...”
– Gen. Ralph Landry, Traffic
related: Rescue Memo to Vikram Pandit
First, that thump-thump-thump you feel under your feet is the growing populist drumbeat pulsing for a second round of C.E.O. scalps. Yes, your predecessor Prince went in the first round less than a year ago, which should have...
Rock shortage drives penguins to prostitution. →
“It was late one night, a few years ago, when a young man was walking through...”
– True or not, that’s the perfect use of star power.
Page Six Magazine has a story about Bill Murray crashing hipster parties in Williamsburg, flirting with young girls at dive bars, and doing the walk of shame home from the West Village. Sketchy or awesome? Discuss.
via Gothamist
Officially in my Top Ten Best Text Message Replies...
(Completely out of the blue) Female Friend: OMG -- it was awesome! Like 15 different types of lotion!
Me: That does sound awesome, but I feel like I'm missing something
Female friend: A vagina.
How you know you've picked the right party
Friend: Michael Stipe is here, in the corner.
Me: Oh, right. In the spotlight? Losing his religion?
Friend: No, seriously. Right over there.
Study finds that male science nerds are most... →
I really wanted to do an “In Other News…” link to an article in The Onion with a similarly obvious headline, but they haven’t done anything about the sky still being blue recently.
Look Ma, No Hands! →
Chinese motorist pulled over for driving with no arms.
“A German zoo provoked outrage from gay lobby groups after attempting to mate a...”
– Gay penguins steal eggs from straight couples
related: Are the Swedes losing their sex appeal?
via the New Shelton Wet/Dry
“The other sex diary is more puzzling and, in a way, more informative. An...”
– More Intelligent Life: the Sex Diaries of John Maynard Keynes
via the New Shelton Wet/Dry
A Bureaucracy Is Only As Strong As Its Laziest... →
The sneaky bastards officially transferred the deed for 338 5th Avenue into the name of a company called “Nelots Property LLC” (Nelots being “stolen” backwards) with a little help from witness Fay Wray and Notary Public Willie Sutton.
via Gothamist
1 tag
If I had made this letter into one fifty-page...
Dear Sirs,
I recently came across your “Irish Whisky Liqueur” in the Irish Whiskey section of a liquor store, and was moved by the sentiments of serious drinking and commitment to one’s alcohol expressed upon the label. When I opened the bottle and smelled its contents, I was confused by hints of vanilla and floral notes, and my first sips confirmed my sneaking suspicion: this...
World's First Stoner Discovered In China With Two... →
Scientists dug up a 2,700 year old grave that contained, among other precious items, a fat sack of pot that was clearly cultivated and intended for gettin’ high, thereby disproving the theory that ancient folks only cared about hemp for rope.
What is in question, however, is how the marijuana was administered, since no pipes or other objects associated with smoking were found in the grave.
...
Auditorium →
Beautiful, immersive, addictive.
via NOTCOT.org
“If you have seen Aliens then you know things could be worse. Much worse. I mean,...”
– I never thought about the economy in that way, but I concede their point. Things could definitely be worse given the involvement of squidlike xenomorphs.
via Long Or Short Capital
Japanese Bikini Rodeo Pie Fighting →
I’m watching an episode of 30 Rock where some bit character talks about his “Japanese pie watch,” which tells time in some preposterous arrangement of pie charts. In an attempt to verify whether such a thing exists, I came across the above link.
related: the problem with Wikipedia
Unemployed Big Swingin' Dicks Can't Get It Up,... →
Update: Not Getting Laid Watch ‘08 via Dealbreaker
An astute commenter notices that the Post is only interviewing Wall Street girlfriends and comes up with a brilliant theory:
“Maybe these guys are just having sex with their wives more often.”
related: will put out for bottle service
via Gothamist
Things I wish I had known earlier this morning
Today is the 75th anniversary of the bloody mary, and New York has declared December 1 “Bloody Mary Day.”
“Employee: Have you set a date for the wedding yet?
Boss who just got engaged:...”
– (dramatization)
related: Nothing says “marry me” like a broken pint glass to the jugular, via Gothamist